Ar-Rahman
Another Ramadan is here and I am excited like a child. When I heard the imam start Takbeer I felt my heart expand and lighten. Every stress I carried seems to have lift away and my heart congested and struggling seems to be left with a void. Nothing was disturbing me. I was a child I felt. Subhanallah!
Yesterday morning I was in tears begging my Lord to take away this burden. How much I wanted to feel things without having the struggle of breathing heavily.
This was indeed a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life. It wasn't about my mental health switching to the best of its capacity. It wasn't about me healing in a moment. It was the hope, the assurance, the consciousness that Allah is merciful and the mercy will be showered upon the broken.
Ramadan has grown into me as I grew up. Every year I have had a different approach and as year's pass by I see myself yearning for this month. It is indeed a blessing and a great rizq from Allah to be alive and experience yet another Ramadan.
With everything life has showered on me, there is this one thing that has helped me keep moving on. The truth that my lord is Ar-Rahman. And that means there's no other mercy I need to rely on.
I could be broken in this world, emotionally scarred, and mentally drained. I can be misunderstood and spoken evil about. I could have hurt myself throughout the journey and along with that broken some hearts. But Allah, The Most Merciful has a way of showering kindness and compassion through this Mercy. Of giving a hope that life isn't all that bad in this world. Of reassuring how close and near Allah is. Of how loving and caring Allah is.
I may be broken to the extend I find it hard to breathe, but what keeps me alive is knowing I have Allah. With all hopelessness and anxiety, this alone keeps me striving to become better.
Trust me as I say, a believer will have to struggle in this world. That is part of the purpose of worshipping and striving to please Allah. This struggle is often shaithaan trying to allure one into this worldly affairs. Ramadan is one month when this struggle is given a rest. For Allah promises to chain the shaitan within all of us.
Alhamdulillah.
